i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
