How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
