she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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