her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
