Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
