You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
