you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
