I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
