The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
