You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
