i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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