It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize