his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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