Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
