I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
