I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
