Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
