Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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