farters have to be the big spoon...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
