dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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