chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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