Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
