So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
