she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
