i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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