i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
