now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize