if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
