I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
