my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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