It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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