Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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