This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
