I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
