Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
