I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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