No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
