it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
