Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
