I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
as a side note pls kill me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
