WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
