Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
