Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
