Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
