he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
