i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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