But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
