Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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