the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
