I want to have your abortion
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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