I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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