Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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