Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
