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New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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