So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
