u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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