so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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