I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
