When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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