she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
