Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
