Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
