She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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