She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
