Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize