i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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