I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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