Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I wear drunk well.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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