My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They have beer where we have blood.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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