is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
