Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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