I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
