u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
