He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
