he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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