This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
