i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just pee around me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
