I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
