Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do vagina's smell?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
