R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
