ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish my penis had an off switch
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize