Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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