her vagine was all disorganized.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
