This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
