the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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