So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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