i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think my vagina is haunted
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
