Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
