So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
