that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
