you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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