Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
