google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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