how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Found the puke drawer
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
