thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
