Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
