Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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