we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
