dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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