ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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