I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
