i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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