dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize